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When you were a child, what did you love to do most? What were you going to be, when you grew up? These are always the first questions I ask, when I give my workshop based on the steps of my book, Live a Life You Love: 7 Steps to a Healthier, Happier, More Passionate You (hint: Step One is “Allow Yourself to be You” – the real you, not the you that the world expects you to be). This weekend when I gave the workshop at a women’s event, one participant remembered – with some surprise - that when she was little, she couldn’t stop tap dancing.
She'd tap dance on top of their wooden kitchen table, she'd tap dance from one room to another, she'd tap dance down the street, until eventually her mother would scream "would you please just stop tapping for ONE second!?!" Another woman attended modeling and etiquette classes as a child - after each class, she would gather the neighborhood children together and "teach" them everything she'd learned. It's no surprise, then, that this woman's adult dream is to lead workshops internationally.
Our childhood memories are a treasure trove that we can cull for clues to what might give us more passion, joy and fulfillment in our adult lives. When you're eight or nine years old, you're most likely to be in touch with your true essence, before society and external influences start telling you who you should be.
When I was nine, I loved to pretend that I was either a reporter or a "Solid Gold" dancer. I'd work on my news reports by day (sourced by sitting under the kitchen table and eavesdropping on family conversations) and choreographed endless disco dance routines to my ABBA records in the basement at night. I also would frequently put a fake crown on my head, sit on my "throne" on the living room, and dispense wisdom to dozens of my invisible subjects.
Within a couple of years, I stopped dreaming and dancing, largely because of the influence of well-meaning grown-ups who focused on my aptitude for science to the exclusion of all other talents. Without ever stopping to reflect on who I really was, I decided that I should go to university to study Sciences, should become a doctor, etc. A personal crisis at the age of 28 during my residency in the form of a severe depression finally woke me up, triggering a series of events and choices which led me to the life I'm leading now. I'm finally living life on my own terms, and today am a freelance writer and author, a flamenco dancer, and professional speaker (and am still a practicing medical doctor on the side - way off to the side).
I would have saved myself a lot of grief and wasted money and time if someone had known to pay attention to and nurture that little kid who knew exactly what it was that she was meant to do with her life and talents. Luckily, we all still have that nine-year-old inside. If you're like me, reconnecting with that brilliant, no-limits mini-you could even save your life.
Some people, when I ask them who they were when they were little, can't remember. They also may not know who they really are now, or who they might be. They're numbed out by the demands of life and from living on auto pilot for so long. Maybe you, too, lost the real you so long ago that you don't know where to look to find yourself. Start the search by paying attention to, or resuscitating, your long-buried creative impulses or dreams. If that comes up empty, simply begin to pay more attention to what ignites a spark in you, however small, as you go through daily life. Keep your eyes open and you'll begin to see.
Rediscovering your dreams, play, and your innate creativity and artistry will also likely have a significant impact on your physical and mental health. When I was depressed I thought something was fundamentally wrong with me and that I'd never pull out of it. I rediscovered dance during a trip to Cuba while on stress leave, and went back home and signed up for salsa dance classes, which years later led to flamenco classes. As soon as I started dancing, the depression began to lift, and I began to enjoy improved health and energy. I got into writing as well, and photography, and suddenly life felt alive again. It has ever since. No prescription medicine, or even a month-long spa retreat, could ever have worked the same mood-altering wonders.
Julia Cameron, author of The Artist's Way, calls people like the old me (and maybe the current you) "blocked creatives". Maybe you think creative endeavors are for artsy types or anyone who doesn't have a "real" job. Maybe you don't think you have any talent. If so, I guarantee that you're wrong. Every single person possesses some kind of creative ability or passion, and our lives really aren't complete unless we acknowledge that part of us, in some way.
Here's a question: have you ever felt jealous, or critical, about someone else's artistic accomplishments? According to Cameron, jealousy, anger or resentment are strong clues that your "inner artist" is trying to get your attention. These emotions, which on the surface may not seem to have anything to do with your need to take up photography, can be signposts pointing the way to your creative recovery.
Make a list of twenty things you love, or loved, to do, no matter how silly. Include things you liked to do as a kid, if you want: build a sand castle, or buy a big pack of giant sparkly felt pens (the kind you always wanted but your mom wouldn't buy for you). Commit to picking one activity from your list, at least once a month, and do it. Sign up for that watercolor course you've always wanted to do. Go to a play or an improv theater show. The next time you're bored and don't know what to do with yourself, consult your list and pick something on it to do.
When you give yourself permission to play, your whole world expands and becomes sweeter. You'll find that you laugh more, take longed-for risks, and develop a taste for adventure and new experiences. Friends, family and colleagues often start to comment that you're a lot more fun to be around. You may even make some new, cherished friends through your new activities. Best of all, you'll probably like yourself, and your life, a whole lot more. That's what happened to me. It saved my life.
You can read the entire story (along with tips and techniques for maximizing your own happiness and health) in my book, Live a Life You Love: 7 Steps to a Healthier, Happier, More Passionate You.
Susan Biali, MD is an internationally recognized medical doctor, wellness expert, life coach, speaker and flamenco dancer. She has performed for and taught celebrities, and speaks and dances across North America. Today, Dr. Biali helps free others to live a happier, healthier life by unveiling the blueprint that they already carry inside. Dr. Biali blogs for PsychologyToday.com and appears regularly in media, including Fox News and CTV, Global and CITYTV networks in Canada. Her opinions have appeared in Self, Fitness, Hello!, The Medical Post, Reader's Digest Best Health, Chatelaine and The Chicago Tribune. She is the author of Live a Life You Love! Seven Steps to a Healthier, Happier, More Passionate You (Beaufort Books, New York). To order Live a Life You Love, click on these links to Amazon.com and Amazon.ca
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