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The Fine Art of Receiving

By Susan Biali, M.D.

How do you feel, when you find something that would make the perfect gift for a good friend? If you’re like me, you do a little dance of joy, thrilled at having found such a great gift. I always love imagining the delighted look on the recipient’s face when they see it for the first time. Have you ever bought a gift that you’re so excited about, that you decide to give it to the person early, well before Christmas or their birthday, because you just can’t wait to see their reaction?

Now I’m going to flip this around. What if you were the potential gift recipient in the above example? How do you normally react when someone gives you a gift, particularly if it’s unexpected? Do you play the “No! You shouldn’t have! Why? You shouldn’t have spent your money on me – what did you do that for?” game? Where on earth did we learn how to behave like this? Who was it that decided that behaving in such an awkward, ungracious fashion was somehow the most noble, socially appropriate way to “receive” a gift?

I’ve got this subject on my mind today, because my fiancé and I put my future mother-in-law back on the plane yesterday. We flew her here as a surprise gift, to celebrate her birthday in fine style. She’s a wonderful, hard-working woman who hasn’t known much rest or luxury in her life, and we’d been talking about doing this for years, dreaming about all the things we would do to “spoil” her, as soon as we had the means and opportunity.

Well, she wouldn’t let us. I even had to resort to trickery to get this tiny, determined woman to allow me to help her with her luggage. We were so excited to finally having a comfy extra bed for her to sleep in, but she kept insisting that she preferred the couch. She’d brought her own towel, and didn’t want to use the extra fluffy one we’d prepared especially for her. She even brought a raw “freshly killed” chicken in a Tupperware container in her carry-on luggage, which she proceeded to cook for us as soon as she got into the house. (Of course, this may have been why she was so unusually possessive of her luggage)

We loved having her visit, in any case, but in retrospect it would have been even more enjoyable if she’d just let us spoil her, without resisting. When you want to give something to someone, don’t you want them to just receive it with delight? Or do you prefer to do battle with them until they “give in” and take it? Put yourself in the “giver’s” shoes and see how it feels.
If someone wants to pick up the check at a restaurant, let them. Don’t shout “no!” and try to snatch the bill out of their hands, or try to physically block them from placing their credit card on the table. Does this sound familiar? I used to do that, all the time. For some reason it’s always been a real challenge for me to receive from others. I felt that if I let someone treat me to something, I was being a bad person, taking advantage and not pulling my own weight. I would make such a fuss against their wanting to pay the bill that I would sometimes realize afterwards that I’d forgotten to say “thank you”, once all the fuss had subsided and they had finally paid for lunch.

When someone gives you something, they’re actually doing it more for themselves than for you. As the Bible says, it’s better to give than receive. Receiving something feels good, but knowing that you were the giver of something wonderful to another person is so much more meaningful, and satisfying over the long term.

If someone offers to help you, let them. If someone pays you a compliment, accept it. Don’t tarnish the experience for them by arguing, or insisting that you’ll have to pay them back later in some way.

Let people give to you. It’s easy: just smile, and say “thank you”.

© Copyright Dr. Susan Biali 2007

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Article samples

These articles are samples from Dr.Biali's extensive body of published work, which includes almost a hundred published articles on Health & Nutrition, in addition to many articles on the subject of Living Well.

Publication Credentials

Susan Biali's work and expert opinions have been featured in a long list of media across North America, including MSNBC, The Good Life Network, Fitness, Hello!, Today's Parent, Chatelaine Magazine, Saturday Night Magazine, The Medical Post, HEART Business Journal for Women, The Vancouver Sun, Just For Canadian Doctors Magazine, Wellness Options, and Alive Magazine.

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