Susan Biali

How good are you at controlling your emotions?  Are there moments when you look back at something you’ve just said or done, and wish you could just take it back? 

If you don't know how to control your emotions, they end up controlling you - which can have disastrous results for your health, relationships, and life success.

Wouldn’t it be great to take the emotion back, or transform it, before you’ve done something that you regret?

A few months, ago, my friend and colleague Laura Lynn Tyler Thompson (host of The Daily with Mark & Laura Lynn) introduced me to Mike Poulin.  Mike, who has since become an invaluable mentor to me, is an international leadership expert, speaker and trainer.  To give you an idea of the level he’s working at, he just got back from teaching his principles of values-based leadership through a tour of Mexico’s largest prisons – sponsored by the Mexican government.  He’s already worked hand-in-hand with several other governments, helping them clean up their judicial systems etc.

His project, Global Priority (see www.globalpriority.ca ), is based on a series of principles which groups study through a discussion process called “Round Tables”.  I was fortunate enough to sit in on one of Mike’s Round Tables, on the principle of Emotions – and that’s what inspired this article.
Here’s a quote from Global Priority’s Emotions worksheet:

“Emotions are like gasoline – they can both be dangerous and destructive, but extremely powerful when controlled or harnessed properly.  They are like balls of energy boxed inside of us.  We can take advantage of this emotional energy under our control to help us become more productive, if we can capture its value.”

I had a crazy week last week.  After speaking and dancing at a conference on Monday, I got ready to make the final sprint of the month: finishing the revision of my book, which was due in five days.  I’d cleared my schedule to totally focus on it, and was raring to go. 

After dragging my suitcases through my front door, I reached for the light switch.  Nothing.  Moments later, my husband tells me why – the city is turning off the power for three days in a row, during my peak “business” hours.  Unfortunately, we hadn’t received any notice that this would be happening.  My computer wasn’t charged, my cell wasn’t charged, and on top of that, I couldn’t just pick up and go somewhere else - I needed all the books and references in my home office (and a lightbulb – my office doesn’t have a window) in order to finish the book. 

There’s no need to provide you with all the unfortunate details of my reaction, but it wasn’t pretty.  For several hours, I alternated between helpless anger and disbelieving, wordless shock.  If you’re a writer, you know that writing requires a focused, calm, centered state of mind and spirit.  I got thrown off so badly by this news that even when the lights finally came back on, it still took a while for me to be able to sit down and write. 

Once I reeled my emotions back in, I started to see the positive ways in which I could handle the situation.  I usually procrastinate horribly when I write: write a paragraph, check email, write some more notes, eat a granola bar, etc.  I suddenly realized that the knowledge that the power would be out for hours every day could be a great motivator for me to write non-stop during my precious “hours of power”.  During the outage, I could do other necessary things, like make phone calls, take the dog for a walk, do laundry or practice flamenco.

So, even though I lost a stunning amount of my time to the power outage, I still got the book done.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t take back the damage that my initial emotional response had done to my body, my precious time, and the ears of anyone who’d had the misfortune of having to listen to me in that state!

Here are some tips from the Global Priority Emotions worksheet, to help you control your emotions:

• If you practice self-control, you will be able to choose your impulses and you will enjoy a better future for yourself and the people around you

• If when we are in a crisis our primary reaction is explosive, we will waste opportunities, we can lose our business, and we ruin good relationships.  When these behaviors are frequent we may become branded as unreasonable and be rejected by others.

• Remind yourself of the danger or cost of extreme emotional stress.  The right self-control of your emotions has a great impact on your personal well-being

• Learn to recognize your emotions and govern that energy.  Ask yourself why you sometimes have such quick reactions.  Give yourself some time before reacting. 

• Ask yourself if this situation is worth your reaction and if it is, give it your full attention and  energy

• Eliminate moodiness.  Learn to be more tolerant and don’t judge others quickly.  Do not expect perfection from yourself or from other people around you.  Moody and unstable behavior can bring as much harm to you as to others. 

• Program yourself to make constant self-improvements in the control of your emotions

Though obviously I still have my moments, I’ve already noticed improvements and insights since studying this module.  I’ve managed to catch myself in moments where I might otherwise have become upset, and I’ve also observed emotional behaviors in others that they would have been better off controlling.

As with any improvement you make in your life, the first step is simply awareness.  Sometimes it’s the most difficult step of all, because you suddenly become aware of, or start to notice, shortcomings or problems in your life or personality or health that you might not have seen before.

Awareness is power.  Begin paying attention to when and how your emotional reactions pop up, and when and where you could benefit from learning to control them better.  The better control you have of your emotions, the more control you’ll have of your relationships, life success and health.

About Dr. Biali

Audiences and clients have described Dr. Susan Biali, an award-winning medical doctor, media wellness expert, author, speaker, life coach and flamenco dancer, as “passionate", "real", and "powerful”.  Formerly a sick, depressed Emergency Medicine resident, Dr. Biali took back her own life and health by learning how to balance her life, listen to her body, and create a life truly worth living.  For the past four years, Dr. Biali commuted between her professional life in Canada and her passionate life in Los Cabos, Mexico, where she performed as a professional flamenco dancer for celebrities and exclusive audiences. She and her Latin husband, Armando, even taught Pink how to salsa dance! Today, Dr. Biali teaches others how to discover themselves, create vibrant health, and design the life of their dreams.  Frequently featured in media across North America, Dr. Biali is the weekly wellness expert for the national television program The Daily, and is currently developing her own television show with a team of producers. She has appeared on MSNBC, The Good Life Network, and in Self, Fitness and Hello! magazines, and was even invited to perform flamenco dance on E! Entertainment Television.  Her new book, Your Prescription for Life, will be released by New York's Beaufort Books in January 2010.  www.susanbiali.com

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