Susan Biali

Have you ever had an experience that goes something like this: Something difficult, painful, or unwanted arrives in your life. You complain, worry or even cry about it for days/weeks/months.  Then, all of a sudden, the sun comes out from behind the clouds and you realize that this “terrible situation” has actually brought a glorious gift to your life.  This gift might be: a priceless lesson learned; a skill you can now teach others; a beautiful connection with another person or group; or, perhaps this event in your life set up circumstances that created a wonderful surprise in your life, perhaps even something you’ve always wished for. 

How silly, or regretful, did you feel, after, after having spent so much time and energy being upset about this supposedly “unwelcome” event?

I’ve had that experience, so many times.  As an example, if I could go back in time and have the option of reliving my 20’s without having the experience of depression, I would still choose to relive the depression (as much as I begged God to be free of it, at the time).  Now I know that if I hadn’t had that experience, I’d probably still be an Emergency Medicine doctor, and probably would never have started dancing. 

And as for flamenco - if I hadn’t had the horrific relationship breakup that happened to me when I was 31 (which I was sure was the “worst thing ever”) I would never have taken up flamenco.  That "jerk” was an angel in disguise who took me to my first flamenco show, and later made me so mad that I insisted on learning a dance that didn’t require a man! As I see it now, it was all good.

That’s the attitude of optimists: it’s all good!  Another great optimistic phrase I learned in Mexico, which me and my husband use every time it seems like something bad is happening, is this: por algo pasan las cosas.  Everything happens for a reason!  So, we always look for the good in the bad.  And surprise! We find it.

I definitely had to learn to be an optimist.  So did psychologist Dr. Martin Seligman, who’s probably the all-time worldwide authority on optimism, and also happens to be the founder of the field of positive psychology.

In an interview on eqtoday.com (click here for link), Dr. Seligman actually said: “I’m a born pessimist”.  When asked to choose his most important piece of research, something that he feels absolutely everyone should know about, he said this:

“If you are a pessimist in the sense that when bad things happen, you think they are going to last forever and undermine everything you do, then you are about eight times as likely to get depressed, you are less likely to succeed at work, your personal relationships are more likely to break up, and you are likely to have a shorter and more illness-filled life.  That’s the main discovery that I associate with my lifetime.”

Yikes! So, if you’re one of those people that will always 1) remind yourself (and others) of what’s gone wrong in the past; 2) focus on what’s going wrong right now (as proof of the doomed past repeating itself); and 3) predict all the things that could go wrong in the future (so you don’t get hurt or do anything risky), you might want to think seriously about kicking these 3 habits, even if it’s just to enjoy the incredible life and health benefits of anticipating positive outcomes!

Seligman agrees with this.  He says that the best way to start shifting your habitual viewpoint from pessimism to optimism is to start to discover the costs of being a pessimist, such as those he listed above. 

“As a pessimist, it’s always wet weather in the soul, they don’t do as well at work, and they get colds that will last all winter.  They find themselves failing in crucial situations and their relationships go sour very easily.  So when people have those kinds of hurts, if they can find that there is something useful in positive psychology, that’s where people start.” 

Are you tired of those hurts, of feeling bad about life, tired of focusing on what went wrong/is going wrong/will go wrong?

It’s actually hard for me to write about the negative effects of pessimism, as my natural orientation today is on the positive.  So, let me give you some great news about optimists:

1) You’ll be more likely to be hired for your dream job

Get this: some employers deliberately look for markers of optimism on psychological assessment tests of potential new employees, and only hire optimistic people

2) You’re more likely to be successful at your job or career
In an interview from learner.org (click here for link), Seligman says that optimists are more successful salespeople (and, as they say, “all of life is sales”).  Optimists also tend to be able to stay with challenging jobs and are less likely to give up.

3) You’re more likely to keep trying until you succeed

According to Seligman, when an optimist gets a low grade in school, or does poorly in an athletic event, they are more likely to “rise to the occasion” and do better the next time around.  Pessimists, on the other hand, let the negative experience drag them down, and do worse the next time.  Which would you rather be?

4) You're more likely to stay healthy and happy throughout life

One study in Harvard students found that later in life, the optimists were far healthier than those that were pessimists.  Optimists also experience less stress than pessimists.  And, people who consciously adopt optimistic ways of thinking are less likely to develop depression or anxiety.

So how can you be more optimistic?

According to an article by stress expert Elizabeth Scott on stress.about.com, you can become more of an optimist by:

• Focusing on your successes, and minimizing your failures
• Focusing on your strengths, and work positively on your shortcomings
• Knowing that the more that you practice changing your thought patterns (to the positive), the more automatic it’ll become, with time
• Remembering that ANY failure can be a learning experience, and an important step toward your next success!

Life is just so much better, lived optimistically.  If you have to live through a tough experience, why not look for the good in it?

When I lived in Cabo, I was a member of the local chapter of the Optimist International Club, which created projects to benefit local children.  I’d like to close this article by sharing their “Optimist Creed” with you, as a wonderful way to live every day:

Promise Yourself –
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

So get out there, have a great day, and go make delicious, refreshing lemonade out of all those lemons that life throws you!

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