It's a New Year, and many of us are dreaming of how finally, this year, we're going to do everything we can to become our best selves, and live our very best life. In order to do that, it's essential to take a look around and reflect on the influences that are shaping us into our future selves.
What’s influencing you these days? Who are you becoming? Are you consciously planning “yourself”, or are you in for a possibly unwelcome surprise down the road? Someone once pointed out to me that not making a choice is a choice. Of course, as long as you’re not aware of what you’re “choosing”, it’s technically not your fault. But what do you want to be doing five years from now – making excuses for your unconsciously made mistakes (“I had no idea!”), or smiling happily at having consciously moved in the right direction in your life?
Planning “yourself” isn’t as boring and regimented as it might sound, it’s pretty easy and quite illuminating to take a look around and realize what’s influencing you. You might think that that’s not possible, that you are you and you’re able to filter your environment at your will…well, think again.
I once had the experience of spending about an hour hanging out with someone at a party. She was really fun, and funny, and swore like a trucker. I used to enjoy swearing when I was younger (it helped with the goody-two-shoes teacher’s pet image I was always fighting), but I’d consciously cleaned up my language over the years. Well, the day after I’d hung out with this friend, Armando and I got into a – shall we say – “debate”, and guess who started swearing like a trucker? It wasn’t Armando.
This “influence” was easy to pick up on – but what about the subtle, steady influence of the people you’re around every day. Are they positive, or negative? Do they gossip, or love to talk behind people’s backs and call them names? Are they go-getters who love to make the best of life, or are they do-nothing whiners and complainers? No matter how much you might think that you’re different, the more you hang around certain people, the more you will become like them. It’s an insidious and sneaky process.
Some financial experts claim that your income tends to be the average of the incomes of the five people you spend the most time with. I don't know if that's actually true, but yikes! Not that I think it’s a good idea to pick friends purely based on their incomes, but it’s true that if you’re around people who are working to improve their circumstances, you probably will too. Same goes if you’re hanging around people who really don’t care much about anything.
What books are you reading? My love life used to be dramatic with huge highs and lows – and guess what used to be my favorite kind of book? Now, if I’m longing to read a novel, I try to read books from which I’ll learn something, like those which take place in another culture. I also love books which tell an inspiring story that adds fuel to my own passions, and boosts my belief in my ability to live my most improbable dreams.
Do you watch a lot of TV? I try not to (though it's hard when you're actually on TV, as I am, because it obliges me to watch and stay current - as of 2008,I actually have cable in my house for the first time in ten years!). I find that when I do watch, after a few commercial breaks I suddenly find myself feeling really insecure about my looks and style, and simultaneously wanting to buy everything in sight. You may not notice this if you watch TV every day, but it’s really quite shocking when you’re not used to its influence anymore. I’m not saying you shouldn’t watch TV – but are the things that you watch adding quality or depth to your life? If not, are there other, far more productive or meaningful activities you might be doing instead?
Even music is an influence – think of your favorite songs, the music you listen to over and over. What’s the message you’re getting? I won't listen to music that I find negative, demeaning, cheap or ugly. And those “romantic” songs about not being able to live or breathe without another person – do you really think this is a good way to view relationships? Just something for you to think about.
Take a good look around. The things which you choose in your environment are shaping you into the future you. Who would you like to be? What positive influences can you choose, starting today, that are consistent with your best you?
Susan Biali, MD is an internationally recognized wellness expert, life coach, speaker, author and flamenco dancer, dedicated to helping people balance their lives and live their dreams. Dr. Biali has appeared on MSNBC and The Good Life Network, as well as in Self, Fitness, and Hello! magazines, and is the medical commentator for the Canadian national television program The Daily. She speaks nationally and internationally, and regularly appears in newspaper, radio, television and internet media across North America. Dr. Biali, who has an additional degree in Dietetics (nutrition), is also an expert for HealthyCanada.com. She is the author of the upcoming book Your Prescription for Life! Seven Steps to Extraordinary Health& Happiness.
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