Susan Biali

By Dr.Susan Biali 

What's influencing you these days?  Who are you becoming?  Are you consciously planning "yourself", or are you in for a possibly unwelcome surprise down the road? 

I’ve discovered that certain topics seem to uniquely resonate with people. I received emails from doctors across the country about my “Make Someday Today” column that I wrote for them last year, and received a flood of emails, this time from across North America, when I sent out an e-newsletter in which I discussed this “What’s Influencing You” topic. 

So many people want to improve the quality of their lives, but don’t know where to start.  Few realize that one of the best ways to jumpstart your life is to simply take a good look around.  You don’t need to search for anything profound, and you won’t believe what you see when you finally “open” your eyes to your life. 

You may think that the elements in your environment can only affect you if you let them, and that you’re able to filter outside influences at will.  Think again.

I hung out for around half an hour with an acquaintance I ran into at a party recently.  She's hilarious, and swears like a trucker.   I used to swear impressively when I was younger (it helped dirty up the dreaded goody-two-shoes image), but I'd consciously cleaned up my language over the years.  The day after I'd hung out with this woman, my husband Armando and I got into a "debate".  Guess who started swearing like a trucker?  It wasn't Armando.

This kind of influence is easy to pick up on, but what about the subtle, steady influence of the people you're around every day?  Are they positive, or negative?  Do they love to talk behind people's backs?  Are they go-getters, or are they do-nothing whiners and complainers?  The more you hang around certain people, the more you will become like them.  It's an insidious and sneaky process.

Success expert Jim Rohn talks a lot about this.  It’s easy to get into a routine, where you unconsciously do the same things you’ve always done, and hang out with the people you’ve always hung out with.  I’m all for friendship with as many different people as possible, but we really only have so many hours available in this life. 

My personal development work has moved me to reflect on the people and activities I spend time on.  Are they in line with my current values for my life, or are they holdovers from another time?  I’m not suggesting you dump your old friends for more upwardly mobile ones, but you may think twice about the amount of time you spend with some of them.  One of my coaching clients divides her friends into categories: “Coffee Friends” (under half an hour), “Breakfast Friends” (under an hour), and “Dinner Friends” (no limit!).

 I recently watched an internet movie called "Pass It On", about increasing wealth, inspiration, success, and happiness in your life.  The financial expert cautioned that our incomes tend to be the average of the incomes of the five people we spend the most time with.  Yikes! You probably shouldn’t pick friends based on their incomes, but it's true that if you're around people who are working to improve their circumstances, you probably will too.   Same goes if you're hanging around people who waste their money, or carry lots of debt.  

What are you reading?  Do the novels and stories you read fit with the type of life you’d like to lead?  Are you always reading the same type of book?  Take a look around your life to see if it seems to be affecting your world in some way.  You might be surprised!  My love life used to be dramatic with huge highs and lows - and guess what my favorite kind of book was? 

Do you watch TV?  Do you choose what you watch, or do you just automatically turn it on when you get home?  If you think for a moment about the programs you usually watch, who are they turning you into?  Have you become numbed-out to violence, or nastiness, or gossip? Is what you watch adding quality or depth to your life?  Are you becoming more superficial? Or more worried?  Doctor Andrew Weil recommends avoiding the news when you can, as so much negative information can negatively impact your mental and physical health. 

Think of popular songs – how many of them are about loss, betrayal, or casual sex, or not being able to live without that certain someone?  At the very least, become aware of what your mind is listening to. 

Take a good look around – your environment is shaping the future you.  Who would you like to be, and what influences can you choose that are consistent with your best you?  Invite that inspiring person to lunch.  Watch that program that will teach you something new and fascinating.  Read that bestselling new biography.  Start making choices, on all levels, consistent with the “you” that you dream of becoming.

Everything counts.

---

Social Bookmarking & Networking tools: